Robert's Eulogy

I have never known life without Joann.

I know I am not alone when I say that Tuesday was the worst day of my life. There is too much to say and yet nothing anyone can say is adequate. It is unfair in the most fundamental way and I don’t think I’ll ever understand. But all of us here know that Joann lived life fully and richly and Kristin and Zach knew lives of unconditional love from so many.

Joann, you were so GOOD. It is a plain word but it describes you on so many levels – a loving sister and daughter, wonderful mother, devoted wife, caring aunt and niece, true friend. The evidence of that is in this room. If I think back to all of the people Joann brought into my life, her friends are just great great people too. She made people want to be good – certainly me – and she led by example. People warn about staying away from bad influences - she was the opposite, the good influence that everyone wanted to be around.

My childhood was so much richer because of you Joann. It was always the 3 of us kids. We were a team. I remember playing raccoon family by the back tree, playing bird family on the stairs, and playing school in Dad’s study (somehow you were always the teacher). I remember our “sleepovers” in each others rooms for Easter or Christmas or when we just decided to make a sheet tent. I remember trips to the beach and playing in the waves and staying at some cheesy theme hotel where all that mattered was whether it had a pool. I remember organizing neighborhood productions for the parents (somehow you were always the director). I remember you sneaking me dessert even when I was punished. I remember our adventures with Lynn, Lori, Violet, Jimmy and Julie in Nana’s basement and with Susan, Laura and Robin in Grandma’s apartment.

Joann to me was the epitome of family - and we all know she always considered her friends as part of the family. She was one of those who knew everyone’s birthday and went out of her way to plan family events. And Joann was a planner – she loved to make lists. Looking at our 2 parents, I’m pretty sure she got that one from my father. Even when we were in elementary school, she always gathered Karen and I together so we could pool what money we had and make Christmas shopping lists for Mom and Dad, Nana and Grandaddy, Grandma, etc. – the family. We would go shopping in the school holiday bazaar so excited to be doing this together, hiding the gifts until we got home to wrap them. Another time, she decided to interview Grandaddy for a school project because she was so proud of her family. Through Mom and Dad’s divorce, crazy college years and some tough personal years following, Joann was my rock and our family glue – my first call when something difficult arose. Sometime in there, Joann and I started a tradition of making Christmas cookies together each year. One year Joann and Karen even drove down to my apt in Alexandria, VA the night before Christmas eve just to make the cookies together. It wasn’t the best kept tradition though – some years despite best intentions we never made a single batch. But every year Joann always bought the sugar and flour, left out the butter, and always saved the magazine recipes and pestered me to come by. And even if we didn’t make the cookies because we had to go last-minute shopping or wrap presents, It wasn’t about the cookies, it was about getting together. She would do anything to make sure we got together, and she continued that with Chris, Kristin and Zach. There was simply nothing more important to Joann than family and friends - it was always number one on her list.

Joann was so happy when she met and married Chris. I can honestly say I had never seen her happier (except maybe when she got tickets for that one DuranDuran concert). And I can honestly say I never saw her happier for me than when I met and married Sophia – just as I knew Chris was meant for her, she knew Sophia was meant for me. And she was always, I mean always, there for us. Joann and Chris’ wedding fit Joann to a tee – grand but elegant, perfect details, great food, packed with family and friends and everyone having just a great time, and if I recall correctly, a fair amount of wine. But then again, Joann always knew her right way to live. She sacrificed for her family but went out of her way to spend time with those she loved. She could really throw a party. She indulged in chocolate, pinoli nut cookies and good wine. And she always made time for travel because she cherished the experiences that travel brought. From the moment we both learned French, we spoke it with each other, just because it was a new, shared experience – and she never lost that excitement. I will always regret that we never got to take our European trip together, but I am happy knowing that she did get to travel with so many of her family and friends over the years, and especially to so many places with her kindred spirit in Chris.

That happiness that shone on her wedding day was outdone – and not really outdone as much as magnified - only when Kristin and then Zach came along. Kristin was such a joy from the moment she was born to the funny and sweet little girl she grew into. She was like Joann in many ways, from always wanting to help to always trying to get things right to taking care of her cousins. And Zach, I remember talking to Joann while she was pregnant with Zach. Having just moved to Erie, she was worried about being able to take care of both little ones but I knew she was going to be fine because she had love for them in spades and had built with Chris the most wonderful family foundation. When Zach was born, the family just added more love. It is inadequate to say that Joann adored her family, Chris and the kids, she was her family. Kristen and Zach, we will never forget you. We weep for our loss of your smiles and hugs, your shrieks and giggles. And we cry because we will never see you share all of the experiences of growing up. It is more than tragedy. But you are together with your Mommy, who loved you and loves you more than this world can hold. It is we, not you, who are suffering.

Joann, Kristin, Zach, there was so much more for you to do with us. I will be angry and I will be sad and I will be forever heartbroken for those times lost. But Joann, I will still be asking you for advice and guidance. I will still be listening to you. And I will still be following your good influence.

Joann, you are always and forever my big sister. I have never known life without you, and I never will. Because you are a part of me. I love you.

Your brother,
Robert